Da Bluz

I got this oldie, but a goodie in the email today. Just thought I would share it, since it is pretty funny. It is not necessaryly true, and if it was since I own a computer I can't be a bluesman:-9 But it is a funny list of blues do and don'ts!

Enjoy the weekend. I am heading out in search of blues tonight and tomorrow. So I will post when I can. TGIF!!!!

The Blues
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat It. Then find something that rhymes - sort of:
"Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevy's, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in no Volvos, BMW's, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get no rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breakin' yo leg 'cause you been skiing is not the Blues. Breakin' yo leg 'cause a 'gator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptableBlues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. It doesn't matter how tragic your life is, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.

Ain't No Blues At The House Of Blues Take 984

I am sure my friend Dick Deluxe is singing the blues somewhere, but not at the House of Blues! (Click Here to hear Deluxe sing about the house of blues) However, Mandy Moore that great blues diva is singing at the house of blues!!!! IN Cleveland!!!! Wow! I wonder how many of dem old bluz standards she is going to sing:-) Yikes!!! Why do they even call it house of blues?????

The Rutles: Get Up And Go

Keeping with the theme of parody. Here are the Rutles recreating the famous rooftop concert of the Beatles in 1969. If you ever get a chance to see All You Need Is Cash, the Beatle parody by the Rutles, you need to watch it. Great music, and great laughs. John Belushi makes a brief appearance as the Rutles second manager, and does a typical over the top Belushi scene. priceless:-) It also features more Saturday Night Live stars, Monty Python stars, and George Harrison as a reporter!!:-)

Ap History Blues

If this kid put as much effort into his AP history class as he did with this video, then perhaps he wouldn't have the Blues! ACK! LAZY, LAZY, LAZY!!! Dude read your text book, listen to the lectures, and take the test its that freaking easy.

Another Long Weekend

Yup another long weekend planned. I need some time to decompress. The first week of school can be stressful. I may post something over the weekend if I can get access. Otherwise see ya on Monday.

Geoff Achison Interview

The Albany Herald out of Albany Georgia has a short interview with Geoff Achinson, blues guitarist from Australia. It has a small town newspaper interview feel about it. I assume that the newspaper has no clue who they are interviewing, I mean asking the guy what his favorite ice cream is, and favorite TV show, is well pretty small town:-)To find out what Geoff's favorite Ice Cream, and TV Show, CLICK HERE.

Harry Carey: Im A Cub Fan, and A Bud Man!

To all of the Cub fans who have been bombarding the site here is a very funny video of the late great Harry Carey, in a short commercial clip for Budweiser Beer. Harry was the colorful anouncer for the Chicago Cubs (also the Chicago White Soxs, and the St. Louis Cardinals, which makes it amazing that Cubs fans took to Harry considering how much they hate the White Soxs, and the Cardinals) he is dressed up like one of the blues brothers, and it is pretty funny.

Go Cubs Go! BTW, Cubs win again with a huge three run bomb by Ramirez.



I found another one that is like the first not quite as good, but it is good to see Harry again.

Why The Blues Is Still Alive

An interesting article from the Daily Times from Farmington New Mexico. There is a small blues fest in Aztec New Mexico and I think the author was stunned that a 78 year old woman would be interested in blues music. Unfortunately the rest of the article made it look like only old people come to blues shows. In the long term that is not a good trend for the blues. However, one of the volunteers at the show had this to say about the blues, which I thought was hilarious.

"You can not like rock and roll. You can not like jazz. But I don't think there's too many people who go, Ugh, God, I just hate the blues.' There's just something about it,"

If you would like to read the whole article CLICK HERE.

Rolling Stone Top 100 Guitarists

I found the list here are the blues cats on the list and their position.


1. Jimi Hendrix
2 Duane Allman of the Allman Brothers Band
3 B.B. King
4 Eric Clapton
5 Robert Johnson
6Chuck Berry
7 Stevie Ray Vaughan
8 Ry Cooder
22 Mike Bloomfield
25 Freddy King
30 Buddy Guy
36 Steve Cropper of Booker T. and the MG's
37 Bo Diddley
38 Peter Green of Fleetwood Mac
47 T-Bone Walker
57 Roy Buchanan
58 Dickey Betts
61 Ike Turner
65 Hubert Sumlin
71 Lightnin' Hopkins
74 Johnny Winter
81 Derek Trucks

Anytime you make a list of the 100 best you are going to stir up a lot of anger. First should have been Stevie Ray Vaughn no if and or buts, Albert King should have been on the list. Jeff Healy, and Gary Moore should have been shoo ins. BB is way over rated, and I love BB dearly, but come on number 3?!?!?!?! number 91 was Robbie Krieger of the doors? Why is he even on the list? The best guitar solo on any doors album was on Roadhouse and that was played by Lonnie Mack Who should have been on the list. Then what about Albert Collins? I mean if you put in Lightnin Hopkins, could you perhaps of put in Son House, or Charlie Patton?? I could go on all night long, but thats the blues:-)

UPDATE CAB CALLOWAY VIDEOS

Not sure what happened but now their are different videos in the Google video bar than what was there when I originally posted. You might want to keep checking to see which videos pop up. Tonight is a video of the reefer man! Plus another cartoon. Strange, very strange!:-)

HUH??????

Wow, slog through this article if you can. This thing must have been written for a PHD for a PHD:-) YIKES! I actually understand what they are writing about, but I am use to academic writing. However, if you want to reach the average reader try to keep it at a sixth grade level. Now some of you might be offended that the bulk of what is written for the general public is written at a sixth grade level, but lets think about it for a second. If you cant say something simply and concisely, WHY SAY IT????

Besides the author is writing about how degrading dancehall music is to women and to the culture in general. I would think the audience he is writing to must be having a tough time deciphering the first paragraph alone. Oh, BTW, the story originated form the Jamaica Journal.

The Ghosts Of Youtube!

last night the Phantom poster posted three videos from Youtube! Actually these were the videos I warned you about a couple of days ago. They disappeared in cyberspace, and POOF! they suddenly showed up on my blog this morning around 3:30am!!! Very strange since I posted them at least two days ago! I don't know where they went, but they probably were swirling around in dem Internet tubes:-)


Tom

They Do Book Blues At The Ground Zero Blues Club

Unlike the House Of Blues, The Ground Zero Blues Club located in Clarksdale, and soon in Memphis books the blues. Co-owners Bill Luckett and Morgan Freeman, (yes, that Morgan Freeman) will , and do book delta blues at both clubs.

According to the Memphis Daily News:

"The main ingredient of that club and this club is we're going to play blues music," Luckett said.

The musical focus will be Delta blues, with many musicians from Clarksdale and the surrounding area making the trip to Memphis for regular gigs. Luckett estimated four or five nights of live music each week, and he'll use his Clarksdale booking agent, Roger Stolle of Cat Head Presents, to schedule the acts.

Hmmmmmmmm, what a novel idea! Book blues in a blues bar! Hmmmmmmmmmm why didn't I think of that! Hey, wait! shouldn't someone tell the House Of Blues!

New House Of Blues Opens in Dallas

Wow! Another House Of Blues opens up in Dallas. In fact, the Blues Brothers are going to play for the grand opening! well, sort of, its Dan Ackroyd, and Jim Belushi, as Elwood Blues, and Zee Blues. However, Matt Guitar Murphy will be featured. (thank goodness, have you heard those guys sing! OUCH!) According to the press release the House of Blues empire which is run by Live Nation:

Live Nation is the world's largest live music company. Our mission is to inspire passion for live music around the world. We are the largest promoter of live concerts in the world, the second-largest entertainment venue management company and have a rapidly growing online presence. We create superior experiences for artists and fans, regularly producing tours for the biggest superstars in the business, including The Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Madonna, U2 and Coldplay. Globally, we own, operate, have booking rights for and/or have an equity interest in more than 160 venues, including House of Blues(R) and Fillmore(R) music venues and prestigious locations such as Nikon at Jones Beach in New York and London's Wembley Arena. Our websites collectively are the second most popular entertainment/event websites in the United States, according to Nielsen//NetRatings. In addition, we also produce, promote or host theatrical, specialized motor sports and other live entertainment events. In 2006, we connected nearly 60 million fans with their favorite performers at approximately 26,000 events in 18 countries around the world. Headquartered in Los Angeles, California, Live Nation is listed on the New York Stock Exchange, trading under the symbol "LYV."

Oh, yeah, one more thing. THEY DON'T BOOK DA BLUES:-)

You Tube Strangness

Okay, I posted probably three videos from Youtube tonight, but none of them showed up either on the site, or rejected in my mailbox at Youtube. So it is quite possible they may show up at some point tonight, or they will float around cyberspace forever:-)

Toxic / House Of Blues / Britney Spears

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House of What???? Oooooooooh Look its the great blues diva Brittney performing that great old blues standard Toxic!

For a critique of the show check out the link below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20070502/britney-spears

Last night it was only rumor, but today it is real. Brittney actually played, if you can call it that, at the House of Blues. I just wonder what the heck is going on over there. I know that House of Blues has always booked a variety of different bands, but why keep the charade of calling yourself a blues club. Why not House of Rock, or House of Pop, or House of %&*#&%#! How about some truth in advertising:-)

Ain't No Blues At The House Of Blues

Okay, before you read this post go to my friend Dick Deluxe's Myspace page and listen to his song Ain't No Blues At The House Of Blues. Never was a song so right. I have never understood what the deal was with the house of blues, but the latest news from the wire is just crazy. Brittney Spears is supposedly planning her great comeback by playing some gigs with a band called M&Ms. At, get this, THE HOUSE OF BLUES. Oh, yeah, Brittney the great blues goddess. You know if they booked Christine Aguilera I could see that. I have heard her belt out a few blues tunes, and she even sang with Dr. John, but Britney. Give me a break! Does ol Elwood have anything to do with this place? I bet Jake is turning over in his grave about now. ACK!!!!!!!! Lets hope this is an urban legend, or a very late April Fools joke:-)

Raccoon River Boys at Blues For Bagdad

BUY MY MUSIC PLEASE:-)

If you scroll down to the bottom of my blog, or go to my MYSPACE page you will find a Snocap music store. This is a new service that sells your music over the Internet. Hassle free. I have talked to a few musicians who think it is great, so I am giving it a try. What is neat about this store is you can sample a few seconds of the songs. If you want to hear more of some of the songs you can still find them playing on my Myspace page.

Cubs Curse, Do I Dare Post During the Game!

Okay, after a heartbreaker yesterday where the Cubs came back in the 9th only to loose in extra innings, and two previous pitching gems. I believe I am tempting fate by publishing anything about the Cubs DURING A GAME!!! It is 4-2 in the 6th. BTW, the Cubs are in Last in the National League Central Division. Lets see what happens:-)


UPDATE

The Cubs blow it in the 8th and then lose the game in extra innings for the second day in a row! AAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like Charlie Brown getting ready to kick the football and Lucy pulls it away again!!!!! AAAAARRRRRGGGHHH! Okay, I am going to listen to the request of a dying cub fan again, and perhaps all will be better.